Misunderstood
by Novelist Pup
Summary: Kyuubi is a very... misunderstood induvidual. [absolute crack]


**Misunderstood **

I was doodling some pictures of Yondaime and I started wondering "What if there was another reason for Kyuubi getting pwnt?" and then this was born. I must warn you, it is absolute crack and will most likely make you choke. I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

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Naruto was a very misunderstood teenager. He had a village destroying fox in his stomach and everyone blamed him for all their little problems. They didn't know that in his own time he angsted and sang about wanting to meet his father.

Yes, a very misunderstood teenager.

And this misunderstanding was the very thing that got Naruto chained to a giant stage in the middle of the village. The villagers all chanting in synchronization "Kill the fox! Kill the fox!" and Tsunade being held back by more than 18 ninjas.

Why? Because they needed someone to blame their problems on, of course. And who's a better scapegoat than the Fox Boy?

As the villagers were basking in their assholery, a man who could be recognized as one of the ninjas seen in the first episode and then completely disregarded.

"So, is there anyone who is against the slaughter of the fox?" The ninja said. All of the Rookie Nine and their teachers, various people who had contact with Naruto, and Sasuke (who came just to stop the occasion… How sweet) raised their hands.

"Anyone for it?" The asshole villagers raised their hands. Since the people against the death of the Fox Boy were outnumbered by more than eighty people, they started to get _really_ worried.

"STOP!" A call rang out through the entire area. Everyone's head turned towards the source of the voice to see a blonde man with blue eyes.

Tsunade gasped.

"Yondaime!" She yelled disbelievingly. The man walked calmly to the stage and nodded to Tsunade while snatching the microphone from the ninja's hand. He coughed into it.

"Hello. You all may know me as your uber-awesome Fourth Hokage, but you can call me Yondy." Yondaime started. The village was completely shocked and unable to say anything.

"Yes, I know you must be speechless. You also must be wondering 'Hey! Isn't that Stud-Muffin of a Hokage supposed to be dead?' and well, I'm not dead. I'm very alive and very disappointed in you. How dare you attempt to kill my son and lover?" Yondy scolded. Gasps rang out through the entire congregation and only one person actually said something.

"S…son? Lover?" Was the choked voice of Sasuke. He was in the front row looking a bit sick. Naruto, on the other hand, was ecstatic that his father was alive and also a bit green at the prospect of being his father's lover. Yondy looked at everyone's faces and then corrected his mistake.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that!" Yondy exclaimed. Naruto sighed in relief and disappointment.

"So, you're not my father?" Naruto asked sadly. Yondy looked back at him.

"Oh, I'm very much your father. I've got the birth certificate at my home. But let me show you my lover…" And he proceeded to pull up Naruto's shirt and did a Seal Release. A blinding light spread around and before everyone was the towering figure of Kyuubi.

"Foxy! How are you my love?" Yondy exclaimed. Kyuubi made a grunting noise and looked away from the ex-Hokage. Yondy rubbed his fur and everyone watched with unveiled 'WTF-ness'.

"Oh don't be that way. It was for your own good! I came back, didn't I?" Yondy asked soothingly. The fox looked at him and made some kind of rough bark. Yondy smiled and gave the red fur one more pat before turning back to his audience.

"I'm guessing you are all confused as hell, am I right?" Various affirmations were heard through the crowd. Yondy grinned.

"Well, you see, my lover is Kyuubi and we've been together for twenty years, ever since I was 15. And, Kyuubi didn't attack the village for the need to destroy it. He actually doesn't give a damn for anyone in here (except for me and my son)." Yondy said. Someone in the crowd raised their hand.

"Hi, I'm Sai. I would like to know why he attacked the village in the first place." Sai asked. Yondy nodded his head.

"That makes sense. Well, Kyuubi is a very misunderstood fox. And due to this misunderstanding, he began to find companionship in… Not so good things. Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan became his best friends. I confronted him about this, and he snapped. I just suggested he get help, and he was all 'Mind yer own business woman!' Why he even called me a woman is still unknown." Yondy trailed off, hearing a gruff yip from Kyuubi.

"Oh, Kyuubi says it's because I'm bottom." And then, Naruto fainted. Sasuke jumped onto the stage the same time Sai did and they both started to shake the poor teen's body. Yondy chuckled and turned back to the crowd.

"So I continued to tell Kyuubi to get some help and one day he stormed up to the village to argue with me (accidentally stepping on some people in the process, which he apologizes for) and you villagers took this the wrong way. I decided that this time he'd gone too far, and forced him into rehab." Yondy explained.

Everyone, even Kyuubi, stared at the ex-Hokage like he was high.

"You sealed him inside Naruto!" Sasuke cried out, undignified. Yondy shrugged.

"You look me in the eyes and tell me that Naruto hasn't fixed one of your problems. Look me in the eyes." Yondy challenged. Sasuke looked away and went back into bringing Naruto to the conscious world.

"Well, now that it's all been explained, I'll be on my way and releasing Naruto in the meantime." Yondy said. Kyuubi gave an annoyed grunt.

"Of course you can come with me! You _know_ my bed's been cold without you…" Yondy said with a suggestive grin. Kyuubi purred and lowered one of his tails to the ground. Yondy climbed on it and was lifted to Kyuubi's back.

"Well, now that we've cleared up this small misunderstanding, I must be off. If you touch one hair on my son's head, Kyuubi will make sure that Konoha isn't even on the maps anymore. Good-bye, and Giddy-up my sexy fox!" Yondy said. Kyuubi growled happily (sexily?) and hopped off the stage. The large looming body jumped into the woods and disappeared.

Naruto, who woke up but then fainted again after hearing the 'my bed is cold' line from his dad, was blissfully unaware of the shocked state that everyone was in.

Of course, how would you feel if the village's scapegoat's father was the supposedly dead Yondaime (who was into bestiality) and had a recovered drunk demon fox as a lover?

The moral of this is: Crack kills brain cells.

**END**

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My god, that was the most fun thing I wrote in days. It was also unexpected too, wasn't it? Ah well, I hope you enjoyed.


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